Make today your #bestday

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…while not all turns along the way may bring a pleasant end to the day, for me, it’s important to reflect, give thanks and take what did go well; making the most of those moments and relish the sweetness of that part of the journey.

Every day can be a #bestday — despite the “routine-ness.”  I’m grateful for each and every moment of lucidness, of chance smiles as a memory passes by or the joy in hearing something that resonates deeply and causes a start or sparks an all too brief conversation.

Look for the good, the great and the awesomeness today!  Make today a #BestDay in your journey.

 

it is…

See with your heart and….

It’s not always the easiest of things to do, but it can be done with a bit of continued work, determination and effort.  Yesterday, was a particularly difficult day.  I had a very hard time finding something good in the moment. The negative self-talk was prominent and permeating.  I’m very grateful for good friends and colleagues who were able to provide the needed support and modeled the good stuff they were seeing and genuinely felt.  Today, I will hold the magnifier — and build on the little moments and magnify the “good, great and happy” I observe in myself and in others.  #nurturedheart #GrowinGreatness

magic

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Be a part of the magic of the day….
#Alzheimers #nurturedheart #GrowinGreatness

Some days, it’s a chance smile, a sigh, a mimicked wave or an “I love you” said as we touch or share a moment.  I’m grateful for each of them and never take a single one for granted because tomorrow, it may be forever gone.

I hope your day is filled with particles of gratitude that will ultimately fill your heart and soul by day’s end.

 

Step by Step

We’ve gone through a stretch….. I know it’s short in the scheme of things, but it does seem lengthy at times.  I never cease to be amazed at  her resilience – despite the confusion that is such a big part of her life at this point. Hat wearing is now a part of our adventuring outdoors.  She’s “picked” most of the hair off the crown of her head — we know it’s a behavior that won’t change.  She’s been doing it for years, she’s just so much more persistent and feels frustrated when her hands are forced to do something else. Oh well, we’ll enjoy the smiles, do a comb over for as long as we can and relish in the moments that we have – each and every one of them….  seeking the joy in today!

LOVE YOU MOM!

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Changes….

As I’ve contemplated writing this — for a few weeks now, it’s been very difficult to watch the “declinings” that are now a part of Mom’s everyday life.

The month of May brought changes — Eating a simple meal now takes 60 minutes or so…. not because she’s savoring each bite, but because she’s forgetting what she’s supposed to do with that stuff that’s on the thing in her lap (she prefers to eat in her favorite chair). She’s become a little more compulsive with some other things and those tend to overwhelm and take over at the oddest of moments.  Getting her handful of pills to her mouth is sometime lost and there’s that look of what’s the next step?  But it is what it is.  We give directions leaving her dignity in tact.

Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_kalinavova'>kalinavova / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

 

One thing I have decided to shift in my own thinking as a caregiver during this process.  Imagine.  We’re on a staircase and with each step, we can choose to go up or down.  Despite the fact that Mom’s capacities are declining, that doesn’t mean we can’t take another step up and support her; encouraging, adapting and honoring all that is still there.

 

 

The other day, I read a short book to her.  A book about Mothers.  We read slowly, reliving memories from days long gone.  Laughter, smiles and the “light” was back on, albeit too briefly… she’s still there — just on a different step than I was in that moment, but reaching out a hand to hold on as we move forward in this journey called Alzheimer’s understanding that she’s our guide.  We’re all learning from her.

Awakenings

Recently, we celebrated the birth of our 10th grandchild into the family.  We waited with great anticipation to meet him for the first time — what happened during that first visit was what I would call an awakening.

What is it about babies that make such a difference?  Mom held, rocked, cooed with and loved on H for over an hour.  She held him after his feeding and rocked him back to sleep.  Earlier, I watched as Mom counted his fingers and toes and rubbed his head to feel the peach fuzz he has for hair.  She held him as if she was a brand new mother — close and cuddled.  She was very disappointed when it came time for H to go home.  She didn’t want him to leave — and she let us all know with a few words about that.

During our bedtime routine a little later that evening — as Mom was finishing things up, we reviewed the day.  In most instances, any review would bring a blank stare, but that evening, no.  She remembered cuddling with the baby, his name and was pleased as punch at remembering the other 4 great grandchildren who had visited as well that afternoon and evening.  The satisfaction and love on her face filled my heart with joy and a question as to what had happened to bring this lucidity to light?

Later that night, we awoke to Mom having a conversation in her bedroom.  The “chat” lasted more than an hour.  There would be a pause as if she was listening to her invisible friend or friends for that matter and then a flurry of words and laughter as she shared the day’s events.  She was sharing her version of spending time with her newest great grandchild and she was looking forward to the promise of his return later that week.

Fast forward to Friday.  Dinner held no interest.  She wanted to hold the baby.  She did and for an extended period of time.  While she didn’t vocalize as much this visit, you could see the tenderness and love in every touch and gentle rocking as she held him.

We look forward to our next visit with H and the awakenings it will bring — even if it’s just a brief pause.

Without a doubt…

A recent conversation with a colleague provided some time for deeper reflections.  I’m ever grateful for the space to solidify what I already knew and connect with my heart even more deeply.  Thank you so much for sharing your story with me…we treasure the moments — good or bad.  We feel blessed when the connection resonates at a heart level and tears fill our eyes, just because we both know the feeling is mutual and treasured.

I know even more deeply that the journey we’re currently on is one that allows us to make deeper connection, honoring the relationship as daughter and mother, and the reversed roles we now hold.

There is dignity and love as we continue to explore and live each moment with grace, love and hold space for each other — the lessons you taught me at a younger age, now become a part of each treasured moment we share and I have the opportunity to shower you with love, patience, joy in the little things you try and accomplish on a daily basis.  Even those moments your thoughts turn to days gone by and relish in the memory of something long past that seems so very real in the moment; or re-reading a letter or page in a book over and over as if it’s the first time you’ve ever seen it.

2015-08-10-18-40-24Thank you, Mom, for reminding me that without a doubt, we’re here for the right reason and each moment matters.

 

Touch

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— to acknowledge that you see and are present.

If nothing else, the last 10 months have taught us that hugs, a pat or rub on the back, a kiss on the forehead or cheek, or a gentle touch on the hand connect and ground at a cellular level.

Something we learned early on with Mom, was that when left alone, the confusion and “alone-ness” grew and fear set in.  Lesson learned:  We never leave the room or enter without acknowledging our presence and hers.  “Mom, I need to go to the other room.  I’ll be right back…” touching a hand, knee or a shoulder, establishing connection and repeating the same when entering the room and saying, “I’m here, Mom.” and if needed,   “What can I do for you?  Do you need anything?”  Giving space for their voice to be heard as well despite any limitations that day/moment holds for them — the frustrations are there, but, the gentle touch lessens the fear and anxiety in that moment.

Every day brings a few challenges… the adamant “no” in response to a question.  The reframe a minute later that gives us a different answer and accomplishment.  Gentle touches, hugs, an affirmation that we are in this together …  and that our love for each other is boundless.

Our days are never dull.  The connections are many and Mom’s face brightens with each connection and frankly, so does mine.