gratitude

Bono, Nurtured Heart Approach, Howard Glasser, happiness, gratitude, quotes

big feelings…

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It’s okay to have big feelings…..how we deal with them
makes a big difference in the outcome.

It’s been a while since we’ve experienced a major anxiety attack.  I’m very grateful.  For in those moments, it’s very apparent that the “trigger” brings some strong feelings/emotions to the surface that aren’t usually seen during our “regular” days.

Yesterday, we saw Mom struggle with some pretty strong emotions for a brief spell.  When this happens, she experiences tremors and these were strong.

We’ve been working on how to handle those moments of  overwhelm.  Before I had time to react, I saw her stop in her footsteps; she took a deep breath, slowly exhaled and repeated the process two more times.  The Parkinson-like tremors she had been experiencing were gone.  I observed the smile that spread across her face as she recognized she had made it through with amazing success!

For many, this would be an easy process.  This is a relatively new practice for her — but she’s learning it and it’s taken hold.  I’m in awe!  She’s pretty dang AWESOME!  Major anxiety attack averted.

Make today your #bestday

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…while not all turns along the way may bring a pleasant end to the day, for me, it’s important to reflect, give thanks and take what did go well; making the most of those moments and relish the sweetness of that part of the journey.

Every day can be a #bestday — despite the “routine-ness.”  I’m grateful for each and every moment of lucidness, of chance smiles as a memory passes by or the joy in hearing something that resonates deeply and causes a start or sparks an all too brief conversation.

Look for the good, the great and the awesomeness today!  Make today a #BestDay in your journey.

 

magic

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Be a part of the magic of the day….
#Alzheimers #nurturedheart #GrowinGreatness

Some days, it’s a chance smile, a sigh, a mimicked wave or an “I love you” said as we touch or share a moment.  I’m grateful for each of them and never take a single one for granted because tomorrow, it may be forever gone.

I hope your day is filled with particles of gratitude that will ultimately fill your heart and soul by day’s end.

 

Step by Step

We’ve gone through a stretch….. I know it’s short in the scheme of things, but it does seem lengthy at times.  I never cease to be amazed at  her resilience – despite the confusion that is such a big part of her life at this point. Hat wearing is now a part of our adventuring outdoors.  She’s “picked” most of the hair off the crown of her head — we know it’s a behavior that won’t change.  She’s been doing it for years, she’s just so much more persistent and feels frustrated when her hands are forced to do something else. Oh well, we’ll enjoy the smiles, do a comb over for as long as we can and relish in the moments that we have – each and every one of them….  seeking the joy in today!

LOVE YOU MOM!

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Changes….

As I’ve contemplated writing this — for a few weeks now, it’s been very difficult to watch the “declinings” that are now a part of Mom’s everyday life.

The month of May brought changes — Eating a simple meal now takes 60 minutes or so…. not because she’s savoring each bite, but because she’s forgetting what she’s supposed to do with that stuff that’s on the thing in her lap (she prefers to eat in her favorite chair). She’s become a little more compulsive with some other things and those tend to overwhelm and take over at the oddest of moments.  Getting her handful of pills to her mouth is sometime lost and there’s that look of what’s the next step?  But it is what it is.  We give directions leaving her dignity in tact.

Copyright: <a href='https://www.123rf.com/profile_kalinavova'>kalinavova / 123RF Stock Photo</a>

 

One thing I have decided to shift in my own thinking as a caregiver during this process.  Imagine.  We’re on a staircase and with each step, we can choose to go up or down.  Despite the fact that Mom’s capacities are declining, that doesn’t mean we can’t take another step up and support her; encouraging, adapting and honoring all that is still there.

 

 

The other day, I read a short book to her.  A book about Mothers.  We read slowly, reliving memories from days long gone.  Laughter, smiles and the “light” was back on, albeit too briefly… she’s still there — just on a different step than I was in that moment, but reaching out a hand to hold on as we move forward in this journey called Alzheimer’s understanding that she’s our guide.  We’re all learning from her.

Awakenings

Recently, we celebrated the birth of our 10th grandchild into the family.  We waited with great anticipation to meet him for the first time — what happened during that first visit was what I would call an awakening.

What is it about babies that make such a difference?  Mom held, rocked, cooed with and loved on H for over an hour.  She held him after his feeding and rocked him back to sleep.  Earlier, I watched as Mom counted his fingers and toes and rubbed his head to feel the peach fuzz he has for hair.  She held him as if she was a brand new mother — close and cuddled.  She was very disappointed when it came time for H to go home.  She didn’t want him to leave — and she let us all know with a few words about that.

During our bedtime routine a little later that evening — as Mom was finishing things up, we reviewed the day.  In most instances, any review would bring a blank stare, but that evening, no.  She remembered cuddling with the baby, his name and was pleased as punch at remembering the other 4 great grandchildren who had visited as well that afternoon and evening.  The satisfaction and love on her face filled my heart with joy and a question as to what had happened to bring this lucidity to light?

Later that night, we awoke to Mom having a conversation in her bedroom.  The “chat” lasted more than an hour.  There would be a pause as if she was listening to her invisible friend or friends for that matter and then a flurry of words and laughter as she shared the day’s events.  She was sharing her version of spending time with her newest great grandchild and she was looking forward to the promise of his return later that week.

Fast forward to Friday.  Dinner held no interest.  She wanted to hold the baby.  She did and for an extended period of time.  While she didn’t vocalize as much this visit, you could see the tenderness and love in every touch and gentle rocking as she held him.

We look forward to our next visit with H and the awakenings it will bring — even if it’s just a brief pause.

Without a doubt…

A recent conversation with a colleague provided some time for deeper reflections.  I’m ever grateful for the space to solidify what I already knew and connect with my heart even more deeply.  Thank you so much for sharing your story with me…we treasure the moments — good or bad.  We feel blessed when the connection resonates at a heart level and tears fill our eyes, just because we both know the feeling is mutual and treasured.

I know even more deeply that the journey we’re currently on is one that allows us to make deeper connection, honoring the relationship as daughter and mother, and the reversed roles we now hold.

There is dignity and love as we continue to explore and live each moment with grace, love and hold space for each other — the lessons you taught me at a younger age, now become a part of each treasured moment we share and I have the opportunity to shower you with love, patience, joy in the little things you try and accomplish on a daily basis.  Even those moments your thoughts turn to days gone by and relish in the memory of something long past that seems so very real in the moment; or re-reading a letter or page in a book over and over as if it’s the first time you’ve ever seen it.

2015-08-10-18-40-24Thank you, Mom, for reminding me that without a doubt, we’re here for the right reason and each moment matters.