As we watch Mom move deeper and deeper into the fog filled forest of Alzheimer’s, I’m forever grateful to have the opportunity to spend these micro-moments with her.
We celebrated her 86th birthday a few days ago… what a gift to have nearly all of us together for a couple of hours to catch up, enjoy seeing Mom’s smiles and even make a few memories along the way.
We’re grateful to spend time together as a family ….. finding joy in those moments helps ease the pain of the daily loss of the little things.
Recently, I shared a project with her… a small piece of artwork I’d been working on. I saw the delight in her eyes replaced with a wistful look of remembrance of art she had created not so many years ago. I’m grateful we still have a few pieces of her art and can share some of those pieces as a memory with her in printed and digital form. Tears form in her eyes as she traces the images with her fingers, feels the textures on the canvases. Together, we breathe through the moments and move forward.
Let your good day become a GREAT day!
Some nights, this mantra has been the only thing that gets us through it… and there’s been a lot happening in the last month or so. More lucid dreams, hallucinations, wanderings, and conversations… and they only happen between midnight and 3 am.
So…. We’ve tested pressure pads and detection alarms hoping to find the one(s) that will work best for us in keeping Mom safe as long as she continues to wake at night and feel the need to “take care of something.” I wish she could tell me about her more lucid dreams and what she needed to take care of. As it is, I can only tell her “thank you” for being so responsive to a need and wanting to help; then gently encourage her to go back to bed and get some rest… hopefully, that rest will last a little more than an hour before the next “alarm” sounds.
I’m grateful for technology that helps us keep our home safe and keep Mom safe. I’m grateful that even with our sometimes too frequent midnight adventures we can open our eyes, be grateful and smile that we have one more day with Mom.
Allow your words to “lift” all you meet today.
Regardless of our ages, it is truly a blessing to be able to share words that lift rather than beat down others. It’s my belief, as well, that those with advancing dementia/Alzheimer’s deserve even more words that “lift” them up as they deal with uncertainty, loss of the familiar and more importantly feel more isolated as time moves on.
We are truly blessed that this comes so easy with Mom and her gentle spirit. Her smile and the twinkle in her eye are still an every day gift she presents to us even on the worst of days. Every night we are gifted in sharing an exchange of ‘Thank you’s” and a sweet gentle reminder of how precious our relationship is. Love, joy and good outweigh any negative the day has held and I’m ever grateful that we have more good days than bad every week, and that the bad are just specks in the whole of the day.
Sure, we do have bad days, but who doesn’t? Upon reflection, even during a day filled with transitions into another phase or stage of living, those are truly nano-seconds of time when we see that there was far more time spent enjoying each other’s company and experiencing new life lessons and how to navigate those waters in better ways positively.
I hope today will be a gift and blessing for you. It already is for us.
Kindness Matters! It can warm any winter day!
Light up your day and theirs with a smile, a conversation, a movie, a song…. awaken their spirit with things they are familiar with. We’ve been enjoying a change of pace the last few days. Mom has had a renewed interest in music, and her love of classical music and show tunes is so apparent as the twinkle in her eyes and the smiles are definitely more frequent. She taps her toes and keeps a beat with her hand on her knee. Occasionally, we’ll hear her humming along or even singing the words to the song. That’s definitely a bit of sunshine on a very wintry day.
…with the little things.
We’ve experienced so much in the last couple of weeks and a major issue with a significant shift in mobility presented itself this last weekend. We (the caregivers) weren’t quite prepared for it — and frankly neither was Mom. She experienced frustration, anxiety, sadness, anger…. the whole range of emotions… While we’ve had some similar experiences in the past, they were short lived for the most part. Not much has changed in the last couple of days and she’s “scared.” Who wouldn’t be?
Enter in the greatness work — seeing the little things that really are blessings in disguise! Smiling through. Baby steps as we make those turns and transition from chair to walker or visa versa. Planting feet for easy push up and being sure that we are balanced in our lifts. Grateful for giggles when we don’t quite get it right the first time and are willing to “try, try, again.” Chairs that “lift” when needed.
Finding a lap tray she likes that allows for balanced plates, bowls and glasses. Raised toilet seats and secure grab bars.
Family and friends who open their hearts and drop in for a visit, just because you were on their mind.
Root beer shakes (with a scoop of protein powder added) for those days when the number of her awake hours don’t give us enough time for 3 good meals. A bedtime snack with a little more protein and fruit. And yesterday, it was a straw!
The list of “little things” is long when I look at it and last evening as we reviewed our short day – we honored each other for making the day a good one despite all the stuff that didn’t go as planned; for creating opportunities in making moments better because we could AND most importantly for sharing the love and respect we have for each other with joy and dignity.
We DO HAVE so much to be thankful for!
Scatter “kindness” wherever your go…
Last evening while getting Mom ready for bed, we reflected a bit on the day. One of my observations was that regardless of how good or bad the day has been, Mom always has a smile and a twinkle in her eye as we tuck her in for the night. And for the most part is cheerful throughout her awake hours! We are truly blessed in so many ways.
The good days certainly outnumber the bad – likely 50 to 1. That’s pretty good odds when I hear from others who are providing care.
We’ve learned to see what she loves, holds dear and then try to emulate that in ways she can feel the love too. She’s sprinkled a lot of love and kindness in her 85 years — Mom has always been known for being kind, wise and gentle.
What are you looking for today?
Don’t be afraid to stop and think about this… I totally understand that some days it’s more difficult than others.
We are blessed with a pretty wonderful familial support system. Not all caregivers and “patients” are and their worlds come crashing down when they can’t reach out to others.
Recently, we took Mom in for an appointment with her primary care physician. I guess I wasn’t expecting nor was I fully prepared for the discussion he wanted to have regarding goals and other possible outcomes for the year. While open to the process and discussion, I know I can’t make those suggested changes without the help of those in our support system. He also suggested a few things that might make our lives as caregivers easier, but some that may not.
I spent last evening thinking about the changes… and the possible silver linings that might be there… I’m still making my list, so yes, there are many potential silver linings. I’m game to have an open discussion and hope you, the reader are open to changes and silver linings too. Let’s have a #bestdayever!